8.27.2006

No love, Good bye.

We are over, so please let me go; I don't want to say yes, but it is too hard to say no.
I love you dear, you don't understand; But now i have got to take the upper hand.
I loved you once, i loved you true; I loved you because you said that you loved me too.
I hate you now, i hate you bad; I hate you because you made my heart go sad.
Why did you make promises that you could never keep? Why did i love you -or- think you were sweet?
Now take your memories, take you love; Take the stars you gave me to wear in my eyes and put them back in the sky above.
Don't worry about me, i'll be fine; I found someone to keep me together, someone else for me to call mine.
So please stop calling, don't try to keep in touch; You don't understand that it hurts me so much.
To whom this is to, i'm sorry....but it is what's best....Not only is it hurting me to keep you around, but it is hurting the people close to me as well. I didn't want to hurt you, i never wanted to do that...but as many times as you hurt me, i had to take a chance. Good bye

5.24.2006

I can't stop

I love him; It's true, he's all i think about, i can't stop talking about him, i dream about him and ohh the emotions that fly between him and i.I can't stop loving him, i fell in love and i can't/don't want to get out of it. I knoe he still loves mr, but i hurt him...i don't know how, but i did. I tried everything in my power to please him, but it was never enough. I want him back, but i'm told it's too late... He hurt me bad, but i have forgiven him, though i will never forget, i have alredy forgiven. He know's who he is and if he is reading this, this is for you; I still love you, i always have and always will; I'm sorry that i hurt you and broke your heart, i didn't mean to, i'm not even sure how....but i'm sorry. I want to be with you dearly, please forgive me for my mistakes; I say again, i love you, just know that. Sincerely, Shelynn P.S. You were right, he could never love me like you.

4.21.2006

i have been thinking a lot recently about my life and everything that is supposed to happen...i thought about the love i have shared, the love i have taken, the love i have given, the love that was used and he who took advantage of that love...i thought about what my life would be like without all of the above...i've thought about how my life could be different if i would have lived it for me instead of someone else...i thought about what my life would be like if i had taken better care of myself and loved myself as much i have loved...what if it was all different...? would i still be me? or a better version of me? or a worse version of me? i wonder.....

I don't want him to go......

I am So tired of losing all that i have loved. Everytime i have love for someone -or- something, it is always raped and taken from me. I recently re-realized (is that a word? haha!) how terrified i am of falling in love.... Everytime someone get's "too close" i push them away, knowing how bad i want them to stay, but i am terrified that i might fall in love again. Tonight someone who means SOOOOO much to me came to me and said that they wanted to die; At that very moment, i died inside. That is the most selfish thing in the world....to take your own life, just because the decision's you have made, only made your life harder....And then another person who means the world to me said he is moving...okay, not far, ,but still....i already know that more than likely, we will lose contact with eachother and our friendship will become no more than another memory....IDK, i tried to go to sleep to get this day (yesterday 4/20/06) over with, but i woke up tossing and turning, then i got up and signed online to keep myself occupied for a little while....I think i am going to go lay down and talk on the phone now....buh bye!!

4.15.2006

not nearly as weak as you assume....

I'm not nearly as weak as you assume; My strength comes from God, can do anything through him and nothing -or- NO ONE can change that.My daddy and i were talking the other night and he told me that when he was in prison, he prayed for me; He said that he PRAYED for a strong doughter with a strong will, someone who is trying to make a difference in the world; And i am strong, just like he prayed i would be. So Stop looking down at me like i am nothing, stop acting like you are so much better than me because you don't "give in" easily, STOP IT!! I am a lot more than nothing and i don't give in easily, i know what i am doing and i know the difference between right and wrong. Stop pretending that you know me and everything about me, because in all reality, you know nothing about me at all!! Everyone who thinks they know so much about me, you don't! You don't even know the half of it........You may think that i "open up" to you and "tell you everything" i don't, i let out so much information and thats it! YOU DON'T KNOW ME -OR- ANYTHING ABOUT ME!! So stop trying to tell me how to live my life and what descisions i should make! I make up my own mind and i do exactly what i feel need's to be done; If you don't like it, too bad, you will just have to get over it.

3.28.2006

It's on, until the break of Dawn.......

When everything start to come together for you, it will never stay long enough for you to enjoy it....No matter what, SOMETHING ALWAYS MESSES IT UP -or- get's in the way. Most of the time it's either worldly thing's -or- emotions; So when the love of your life comes back for you, just like he promised to and doesn't want you to stay friends with a friend of yours, what do you do? STOP -- I know a few peoples answers already, "pray about it" -or- "give it to God" okay, i haven't stopped praying about it, and it's all in God's hands, because i can't handle it on my own. So now what do i do? STOP -- I know this one too, "wait for it" -or- "give it time" well, i don't want to. I mean, no duh! i'm going to have to wait either way, i have no choice, but i also have NO CLUE! I don't even know whats going on; So many mixed emotions, i don't know what to think -or- do. So as i sit here listening to Metallica "Sad But True" thinking of how i dream of it being my first song i dance to with my future husband, i don't know what to think, everything in my head is like a huge blurr right now. So i blog about it; Hoping that maybe if i write it down, it will be out of my head....SO NOT TRUE!! i can't just "stop thinking about it" IT hasn't left my mind since i first heard of it. I don't know what to do now..... I'm home for the first time in like 6 day's and i have no one to talk to about any of this stuff except for God.....but i am now alone and almost scared that i will do something stupid....End up making the wrong decision; end up not making a choice... I want it back though, i want to love again and feel the happiness that i once had and held dear....But i'm yet again afraid of the heartache that has still not left me. Knowing that our love will never end and i will never be able to hold the hand of another man, because it will never be the same, i want my Love back....I want it all back, but most of all, i want him to be happy again, i want to see him smile sincerely again, that is something i haven't seen in a long time. Will I be able to give him THAT smile back, probably not, but i will try. Though i don't want to lose the friendship between my friend and i.....Of course that friendship doesn't come close to amounting to the love i have for "the love of my life" but it means a lot to me anyway. I don't know what to do.

3.17.2006

Git-Er-Done.....

<<----That is the book that i will be breathing, sleeping and dreaming the next six months....wish me luck! <<--- And that is the beanie i just finished knitting....it was sold before i even finished it! lol~*~ Okay, well thats my update.....i didn't get any sleep, cuz i spent from 3P.M. - 7:30 A.M. talking to Beau (in numerous ways) so i am going to go....bye!

Don't tell me.

Don't tell me i'm beautiful; Don't tell me you love me; Don't tell me that you are greatful and would put no one above me. Don't tell me i'm precious; Don't tell me i'm kind; Don't tell me your wishes and keep me on your mind. Don't tell me i'm worth it; Don't tell me i'm unique; Don't tell me i deserve it -or- that you dream of me when you sleep. Don't tell me anymore; I'm tired of all your lies!

3.12.2006

Eternal Sea

Eternal Sea My love for you is an eternal, boundless sea. Every drop in it's flowing waters is a tribute. A tribute to the exquisite beauty of your soul. Ceaselessly it flows and ebbs. Pulled by the tide created by you. Made with the essence of your grace that permates my very being. The wonders of you are limitless. Every day I discover something new. Every day my eyes open wider; they see things with a greater clarity than before. No mere words will ever compare to what lies in my sea. No, not my sea. But yours. And yours alone. Life itself cannot take it away. Forever does it belong to you, That eternal, boundless sea.